no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
