my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
