god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
