The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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