apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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