once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
