September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina is officially offended.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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