smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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