If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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