I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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