Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
