I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
