So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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