smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
