Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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