So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
