I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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