im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
