His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
is wine microwaveable?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
