Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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