so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
