I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just gargled with NyQuil
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
