I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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