Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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