So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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