you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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