I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
