Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
