I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
