i think i have herpe
just one?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
