I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
