I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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