that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
