There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
