why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
