We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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