I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
