You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
