Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
as a side note pls kill me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
