At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
