I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
