Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
