i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
