Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
