none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
