my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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