we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
