singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
