I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
