I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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