4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
