I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
