The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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