so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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