Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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