after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
