You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
