Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Randomize
