Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
