Whod you bang
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
