Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
