So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
