Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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