I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
