i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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