i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
