the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
