So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
