Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
