Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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