I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize