This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
love makes seman taste better
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
