I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
