your parents love me but you hate me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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