He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
