Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
