So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
