You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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